I am really having a hard time sitting down to write a blog post. I have sat down everyday since my last post and the words just won’t come to me. I wrote my last blog post on Friday, about my incredible daughter and her graduating from college.
It’s so hard to enjoy all the wonderful things in your life, when you know so many people are experiencing such a great loss. I feel like I should be grieving, so then I grieve for a while and I think about all of them. I want to smile at my kid, no matter how old she is, about her success, but all I can think about are the parents that will never have the chance to experience what I got to experience this weekend.
Each time I sit down to blog, all I can think about are the lost lives in Connecticut on Friday. When I heard the news on the radio, I was two minutes from arriving at Tess’ house. Right after hearing the news, my husband called me to see if I had heard what had happened, and was I okay? I told him I was trying to pull myself together so I could walk into Tess’ house when I got there and begin our celebration of her college graduation, but really I just wanted to get to her house, walk in and hug her and cry. When I got to her house, we talked about what had happened……while we sat there in shock, with some of the same questions so many of us were asking and still are asking. Why? How?
We went on with our day, knowing the graduation was scheduled just hours away. At the graduation, the extra security was obvious and very uncomfortable. Graduation went on as scheduled. We celebrated at a great party afterwards, but still in the back of my mind, were all of the family members and friends of those affected by what had happened at the Sandy Hook Grade School in Connecticut that morning.
I spent Saturday preparing for a big Christmas Celebration at our house on Sunday, with all of our kids and grandkids and parents and siblings. I wanted to be happy and listen to Christmas music and “feel” the Christmas Spirit, but all I could really think about, again, were the people in Newtown, Connecticut. When I’d find myself singing along to the Christmas songs playing in the background, I thought about the parents of the children and the possible gifts they had already wrapped and put under the tree.
I thought about my grandson and his kindergarten class. Things went through my head that should never have to go through any of our heads.
I had an absolutely wonderful weekend with my family, feeling blessed the entire time that I was able to do so, yet I can not get those families out of my mind. My heart is incredibly heavy and my thoughts and emotions are a complete roller coaster.
I am praying that God will give them all the strength they need to go on. I am praying that God will be able to help all of the people grieving, feel some peace. I am praying that the little brothers and sisters of those that died, will be able to enjoy at least a bit of their Christmas Morning, however I can’t even begin to imagine how they will be able to do that. I am praying that the entire community in Newtown, Connecticut will be able to give each other the courage to go on.
It’s not often that I don’t have the words to describe what I am feeling. But I really have no words.
My heart, my prayers and my thoughts are with all of the people affected by the tragedy that occurred on Friday.
God, please, bless them all.