"The Weight of my Weight"….an Epiphany

March 4, 2013

“GUILT” can be a heavy thing to carry around.


I was lounging in the recliner Sunday evening after a long, busy, full, incredible weekend with Mike, when it dawned on me, I hadn’t walked on the treadmill today. I completely……and totally…..had simply forgot!

I hopped up, went upstairs to put on my walking shoes, and got on the treadmill. I HAVE GOALS, PEOPLE!!

I did 50 minutes yesterday, so I knew I could do no less. Yesterday I averaged between 2.0 and 2.5 mph with an incline of 6% and walked a distance of 1.5 miles. I want to improve just a tad each time, (and remain pain free in the shoulder) so tonight I kept a pace of 2.5 mph the entire 50 minutes at 6% incline, which allowed me to get in 2.0 miles! Yay me, right?

I hopped in the shower and remembered I could still eat 3 PPV, since I am allowing myself 30 PPV, and I had only eaten 27 PPV. (I ate the exact things I had planned out for myself for the day) I wanted something sweet. Maybe a WW Smoothie? With frozen fruit added? Coach Roberta suggest when I eat fruit, that I eat a protein with it. She described the science behind it, and it made since, I’m simply not smart enough to explain it. 🙂

Coach?

I decided that when I got out of the shower, I would make myself a WW Smoothie with frozen fruit! The fruit gives them the consistency of a milk shake! It contains 10 g of protein, I get in a fruit, and its only 2 PPV. “Perfect!” I thought to myself. “A guilt free food that I am looking forward to!”

Guilt Free? Why did I refer to my food as “Guilt Free?”

Why did I see my wine with dinner last night as “Guilt Free?” because I worked it into my daily points?

Why did I refer to no exercise on Friday as a “day of no exercise without any guilt?”

What the heck am I feeling so damn guilty about? Why am I associating “guilt” to my food and exercise decisions? Why do I feel such guilt about being over weight? What’s THAT about?????

It was like my eyes popped open, WIDE!!!!!

I have always felt an incredible amount of guilt when it comes to food and my weight!

At some point, early on in my blog, I addressed the fact that I became a closet eater in grade school when my brother began to tease me about being fat. I’m certain that I had a normal little pudgy belly for a 9 year old, but when all you really want is the approval of your really cool, older brother, and he calls you fat, YOU MUST BE REALLY FAT! I also know he would die if he had any idea how that affected me. But I think for some reason, tonight, I realized how many years I have been associating eating, ALL eating, with guilt.

I have never really learned how to enjoy food, without guilt. I think I have been taking pictures of food, and talking about food so much on my blog, trying to prove to someone, possibly just myself, that it is okay to enjoy food, without guilt.

So now, I am not going to refer to any food as a “guilt free” food, and Friday, is simply my scheduled day to not exercise.

I became so excited to jot all of this down, I never did make that smoothie!


“love the life you live, live the life you love”

julesfarm@yahoo.com

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One response to "The Weight of my Weight"….an Epiphany

  1. I love epiphanies!!

    I think it is great that you are trying to disassociate guilt from eating and execising (or not eating or not exercising – whatever the case may be). Guilt is a heavy burden. I agree, banish the idea of guilt. Of course, guilt is ingrained and you have been carrying that burden for years, so that is easier said than done. Just keep reminding yourself, No Guilt!!

    The reason for eating a protein or healthy fat with your fruit is to help prevent insulin spikes in your blood stream. Your body reacts differently to digesting a protein or fat than a simple sugar. If you introduce the fat or protein first, before the carb, your body secretes less insulin into the blood stream more slowly. This will help control your appetite as well as doing other good things. I learned this when I read the book called, The Zone.