I’m In A Strange Place

November 3, 2017

Hi Friends…

The blog is lacking my attention and I am struggling with that a bit.

I am 9 weeks post op my double mastectomy and I have 6 weeks to go until my reconstruction surgery.

I’m In a Strange Place.

As most of you know, the blog is my journal. It keeps me accountable with the choices that I make. It encourages me to set goals. It lets me connect with people and it provides a place for me to vent when I feel the need.

I am having a hard time getting here to blog for a few different reasons.

Changing things up is what I do and how I roll. Variety is one of the things that keeps life exciting for me. I think the blog reflects that.

I like to set new goals, try new things, then blog about them in hopes that others find new things that they like to do and set new goals for themselves.

I have found that trying new things keeps living a healthy life easier for me because I keep myself entertained, and that keeps me from going back to old and unhealthy habits.

I blogged recently in a blog post titled, In Limbo, about this strange time during my mastectomy in August and my scheduled reconstructive surgery in December.

I’m still really struggling with this time that I find myself in.


I’m In a Strange Place

I’m trying so hard not to put life on hold, but no matter how hard I try, I find my mind thinking about certain things, and saying to myself….I’ll deal with that after surgery. I’ll set new goals after surgery. I’ll try new recipes after surgery. I’ll update the look of the blog after surgery.

I have shared that my weight is up from my comfortable 172 to an uncomfortable 182.

My surgery in December is a DIEP Flap reconstructive surgery. My genius plastic surgeon will make new boobs for me out of my belly skin, tissue and blood vessels. Obviously, I am so happy to be able to have breast reconstruction surgery following my double mastectomy and use my own body tissue, but the whole mental side of things has me in a strange place when it comes to my health goals. 

I understand it all, don’t get me wrong, but my life for years has been about counting points, doing what I can to feel my best, taking pictures of food and blogging about “how I’m doing” with my decisions.

I lose my appetite and my weight goes down a few pounds. I thing about my surgery and the need to have belly fat for everything to go as planned, and I eat a bit more.

I am going up and down between 178 and 183. 

My plastic surgeon would like for me to keep my weight at 182 or higher so he can use my belly fat for my upcoming surgery.

Now, instead of having goals that keep me feeling great, my “goal” is to maintain my extra pounds so I can have new boobs made out of my extra belly fat because I lost my old boobs to cancer.

Lets be honest.

I’m In a Strange Place


I can’t really think of a way to change things up for myself right now when it comes to exercise goals or food/recipe goals, nor do I have the motivation to care much about either. I still want to feel good, but the desire to set any goals just isn’t there.

I’m trying to keep active, but my body feels very uncomfortable and I am finding this time extremely frustrating.

I don’t seem to have much of an appetitive and coming up with pretty pictures and trying new foods is not as appealing right now as it has been in the past.

Those are the things that I blog about the most. Food and Activity, so obviously….

I’m In a Strange Place


I’ve been researching whether to have a hysterectomy or not.

My particular breast cancer is estrogen positive and feeds off of estrogen. Having a mastectomy does not guarantee that the cancer will not return. Eliminating as much estrogen from my body as possible reduces the risk of the reoccurrence of my breast cancer. Ovaries produce estrogen. Removing my ovaries completely would reduce the estrogen in my body and eliminate the risk of ovarian cancer. There is a family history of Ovarian Cancer.

I’m no doctor, but having a hysterectomy seems to make sense to me and I am okay with that if I think it could save my life down the road.

My plastic surgeon wants me to wait until after my DEIP Flap surgery so the blood vessels that he will be working with are not disturbed. Okay. Got it.

I have now seem my general practitioner and my OBGYN. They both agree that having a hysterectomy is a good idea and are behind that decision.

My oncologist would like for me to take a drug called Tamoxifen (basically an estrogen blocker) each day for 5 years. When I inquired about having a hysterectomy instead of taking the drug, he told me that he understood why I would want to take that route and that it was up to me.

I called my breast surgeon for her advice. She basically said the same thing that the oncologist said.

So now, I have a decision to make. Two doctors are behind me 100% and two of them tell me that they understand my concerns, and that I need to be the one to make that decision.

I know me. I always go with my gut.

Assuming insurance will cover that, I will plan to have a hysterectomy sometime in 2018, after healing from my DEIP Flap surgery.


I’m In a Strange Place

Looking at my body each day when I shower has become more emotional. This time in between surgeries has been too long and I find myself thinking that I will look this way and feel this uncomfortable physically forever.

I know that I won’t, but I am also learning that after my surgery in December, there will be several mini surgeries to perfect things. I’ll explain later, but let me just say that 2018 is going to be a long year and as much as I know that it will be worth it to actually have breast, it all sounds daunting right now.

I am trying to focus on setting goals for 2018 that will make me feel and look my best. After all, I am getting a tummy tuck out of this deal.

So, that’s where I’m at with the blog and life right now.

I’m In a Strange Place


It’s Not Just About Me

It’s been a tough year for several of my family members. So many things that I haven’t even blogged about. I’m trying to remember that even though I’ve had my own crap, a lot of my family (and friends) have had their own crap too and I want to be there for them.

My mom is moving next weekend and she has spent the last three weeks packing. I know that she is exhausted and I hope to spend my free time over the next several days helping her finish up and get moved.


No Worries

That being said, I’m actually in a pretty good mood.

I do light Yoga in my exercise room. I take short walks. I drink coffee like it’s going out of style and I’ve been more mindful of appreciating each day.

I’m looking forward to having our family all together for the holidays.

I hope you will all stick with me!

I can’t wait to get back to normalcy in 2018!

I’d like to get two blog post up each week just to stay in touch over these last two months of 2017.

AND….exciting things are coming soon for Weight Watchers and I can hardly wait to SHARE!!!


I Love Your Emails

I love hearing from all of you, so please feel free to keep sending me emails and commenting on the blog!


Six weeks to new boobs! 

2017 Goals
Make time each week to Meal Plan
Drink 100 ounces of water each day
Exercise 5 days a week
Eat three meals and one snack daily
FOUR 100 Mile Walking Challenges this year! (This goal has changed a little now that I have this fabulous Fitbit.)


“love the life you live, live the life you love”



12 responses to I’m In A Strange Place

  1. julesfarm@yahoo.com November 6, 2017 at 2:54 pm

    Wow Laurie, I wish we could get together and talk. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that and so sorry that you lost your mom to cancer.

    If there is any way that I can help you with WW, please feel free to email me.

    I’m not the best member right now, but I’d love to try and help you as a Leader if I can.

    Thinking of you!


  2. julesfarm@yahoo.com November 6, 2017 at 2:51 pm

    Ugh. I know, right??

  3. julesfarm@yahoo.com November 6, 2017 at 2:50 pm

    Thank you Cindi! You are very sweet and I appreciate your prayers.


  4. julesfarm@yahoo.com November 6, 2017 at 2:50 pm

    Hi Sherri,

    Thank you. I’m sure you understand all of what I wrote. I’ve thought about the tattoos also. Do I go with the Dr. Office or with a tattoo artist outside of the Dr. Office?? I’ll want to see some good pictures before deciding. It is crazy some of the things that they can do now for breast cancer patients that they couldn’t do just not that long ago.

    There really are blessings along the way. You are right.

    I hope your daughter is doing well and that you are too!

    Thanks for your encouraging words!


  5. julesfarm@yahoo.com November 6, 2017 at 2:47 pm

    Hi Nancy.

    Yes, we are sworn to secrecy, but it is one of the best things that I have ever seen Weight Watchers do and I am so excited to share it with my readers and my members!! Stay tuned! Ha ha.

    I had a good weekend and I hope that you did too!!

  6. julesfarm@yahoo.com November 6, 2017 at 2:45 pm

    Thank you so much Tami. I feel like I know you too. I really do feel like I know a lot of my readers and I thank you so much for your continued support!

    I love you all too!


  7. I had a hysterectomy as well. My mom died in ’92 of Ovarian and a month after her funeral I had the surgery. Then my diagnosis of estrogen positive BC was late in ’98. Insurance paid for the hysterectomy because of the family history of ovarian/BC in the family. I understand all of your feelings and they are all legit and warranted. I too had a tummy tuck but my double mastectomy and new boobs were done in the same surgery. I also am struggling with WW right now too! I hope your 6 weeks go by quickly for you. HUGS and prayers continue for you!

  8. Let it out girl

  9. I am amazed at your positive attitude with everything you are going through! You are an inspiration to many! I will keep you in my prayers.❤️❤️❤️

  10. Hang in there! Tattoos are up next after healing from reconstruction surgery. My daughter is trying to figure out does she use the person her Dr. uses or does she go to a tattoo artist. Wow what a blessing that they try their best to bring things back to what breast look like before a double mastectomy.

    There are blessings all along the way of a difficult path.

  11. (Watching Hallmark as I check emails.)
    I didn’t realize it took more than one surgery for your reconstruction.
    Still sending prayers your way.
    In Danica’ s Daily blog–she suggested new changes in the WW plan
    and now I’m curious.
    I’ve heard that leaders are sworn to secrecy until the changes are released???
    So I’ll be patient and not ask you any questions.
    Hope your weekend is a good one.

  12. You are the most positive person I know (I really do feel like I know you!) It’s okay for you to be in a strange place. I think most of us would be. Remember, you are not alone. We all love you and are behind you all the way! Go with your gut, girl!