I have been doing some sort of journaling since around age 10. I like to write down what I am doing, feeling, thinking, planning. I always have. I guess it started with my little red diary that actually had a lock and key. I remember writing really silly, private things in it…….”Dear God, When will I get boobies?”…….then locking it up! I am fairly certain I opened it up and read it to all my girlfriends. I wasn’t even very private at a young age. But if my brother would have found it, I would have DIED! So, I knew my secrets were safe inside my diary. I always liked to go back and read what I had written. I even remember at a young age reading something I had written a year ago, and being surprised at how fast time would go by. I really started to like reading my own story. It sounds super corny, I know. I guess I would compare it to looking at pictures, but better, because I was actually reading something about how I felt or what I was thinking, instead of just looking at pictures and trying to remember what I must have been thinking or feeling at the time.
My journaling continued off and on through junior high and high school. I married fairly young (the first time) and basically wrote a whole book during those five years. It was great therapy for me. Going through a divorce with a three year old daughter was something I never imagined would happen in my life, and the writing helped me to figure a lot of things out in my life. The pen and paper (yes, an actual notebook and a ball point pen) became my closest friend. Sure, I had my best friend to tell everything to and she was always there to listen, but sometimes I just had to write down my thoughts, my feelings and even my plan. I remember very vividly putting myself in survival mode, financially, and emotionally. I wrote every night and I know it was a large part of me getting through the most difficult time in my life.
When I was blessed enough to meet Mike, we dated for three years, both freaked out at the thought of another failed marriage and wanting to do the right things for our children. I have journaled through the entire relationship, my emotions, my fears, and lots of happy feelings I was having that I hadn’t had in a long time. We have been married now for 13 years, and I don’t really know how many journals I have in my night stand. I still like to take them out and read them once in awhile. It’s funny to see my handwriting change from entry to entry. I can definitely tell, before even reading, what kind of mood I was in. Most of the time my writing appears to be calm and my entries are just facts. Some writing is loopy and genuinely happy and I am telling a story of an event that happened. Other writing is written with a hard, sharp pen that almost looks angry. (I think at those times, I was just beginning to experience some anxiety!)
Many of my journal entries include food, diet, and exercise based subject matter. MANY of my entries begin with the date, then my weight, like it defined where I was at in my life. Many times, I did let my weight define me.
In September of 2009, I joined Weight Watchers at a weight of 207! Three weeks before that I had a journal entry with my weight at 212!
In May of 2011, I started this blog as my new form of a diary-journal. No more determining my mood by my penmanship, but I do love my CAPS and my explanation points!!!
My original plan was to be able to use the blog as a tool for my members in my own meeting when I reach my goal weight and become a Weight Watcher Leader. I wanted to be completely honest about my successes and my failures. And I have been.
I have never been a very private person, so putting my weight on my blog was probably a bigger deal to other people than it was to me. I actually had a couple of people tell me they couldn’t believe I had done that. Then I thought, geeezzzz, maybe I AM some kinda weirdo. Oh wait, I already knew that.
My weight loss has been slow and I am currently teetering between 165 and 170. Yip, its a five pound teeter totter. After last weeks Wedding and all of the festivities surrounding it, I am guessing 170 is accurate for todays weigh in. After a year of blogging, I decided to go ahead and tell a few people about my blog, and maybe some other WW member that was losing weight SLOWLY like myself, would feel some comfort in the fact that someone else out there was succeeding, but at a slow rate. I never even thought about people commenting on my blog, sending me emails about my blog, or the BEST one, coming up to me and telling me they are reading it, and even though I am struggling with any speed in my weight loss, I have motivated them in one way or another! This is awesome! The feedback is so appreciated!
I must admit, the comments make me want to move along a little faster because now I feel like I need to UP MY GAME, and I don’t want to disappoint anyone. But I do know that I am doing this for myself first.
I have noticed with the blog, and the comments, it feels like I am in a race, and all of these amazing people (some, complete strangers) are standing at the finish line yelling “Come on Julie! You can do it!” Then there’s me, running in the race (jogging, really, sometimes even walking, but never quitting) turning around to look for the ” Julie” that all of these really cool supporters are yelling at. Then the realization hits me, that it’s me! And I’m like…..”Oh, Hi guys. Hey……I’m just jogging. I’m not really competitive, I just like to be included. I will eventually cross the finish line, but you guys don’t need to wait around.” Then all of these really awesome, kick ass people tell me that I can run, not jog. And they start yelling and cheering and telling me how I can do it! And I believe them! And now I don’t only want to just be entered in the race and jog or walk, but I want to run in the race…..and I can’t wait to cross the finish line!
My weigh in before Wedding Weekend was 165. I was so excited to see that number! It had been a really long time. I told Mike I knew I would probably put five pounds on over the course of all the parties and wedding festivities, and after the wedding I was going to change things up a bit. I had decided passing on the adult beverages was part of my plan, but I wasn’t sure to what extreme.
So……after much thought and planning, here is how I will speed up the weight loss, get to my goal, and apply for a WW Leader position. If blogging and knowing that just a couple of people feel a little inspired to eat a little better, and get a few workouts in a week, I can’t imagine how great it would feel to have a job where I would have the opportunity to do that with a group of people on a regular basis. Blogging has made me want to get there quicker, and not just jog or walk beside the runners, but run and cross the finish line!
This Blogging Thing is Kinda Kick Ass!
I know my weight will come off at a much faster pace with no drinking.
It seems when I drink a few days in a row, I crave the carbs in a bad way for three to four days afterwards, then I give in to the cravings, then it takes me a week or so to get back in the game, which is really the main culprit to my slow weight loss. And I know this. I have just been really patient about my slow weight loss and so far it hasn’t t really bothered me. I know I am so much healthier than I was three years ago, and I’m a total optimist, so it’s easy for me to see the positive here.
If you read my blog regularly, or if you know me personally, you now that I like to keep busy and socializing and cocktails are a big part of my extra curricular activities, so not drinking at all is a really big challenge for me. I know on an occasion, it will be easier for me to pass on some events. I assume that will get easier with time. I hope after knowing my plan, that everyone will still invite and include me, and let me determine if I can handle the situation for myself.
In August, I have two events planned.
The first weekend in August is a much anticipated Lake weekend. I will enjoy my beers.
August is also Tess 21st birthday. I will celebrate with her with a few beers.
Those are the only two times I will drink while I am getting to my goal weight. It’s going to be tough. The only other time I completely gave up my adult beverages, I was pregnant with Tess. Then that got me to thinking, if I can do that for someone else (my baby), why cant I do it for myself? I don’t want to make it sound like I can’t have a good time without a drink, I just know that it is something that has been such a constant in my life, and to just all of a sudden think that I can easily say “no”, just isn’t realistic for me. But for the first time, reaching my goal has become important enough to me, to give up something I like, so I can get there.
This is the first Long Term plan I have put in my blog. Typically I do best with mini plans and mini goals. I can stick with a plan for 7 days without freaking out. So, this one is scary, but I know by blogging about it, I am putting a bit more pressure on my self to achieve my goals.
I went back after writing this and read my own blog entry …..
You Have to Decide….to Decide
……and realized, I am following my own advice.
And THAT, feels pretty darned good.
“love the life you live, live the life you love”