Member…Leader…Patient

September 19, 2017

I’m feeling very lost in my Weight Watcher Membership, my role as a Weight Watcher Leader and my reality of being a Patient right now. I knew this part of things would get to me at some point, I just wasn’t sure when. Well, that’s happening now.

I have some new followers, so just a brief update. Brief, I swear.

My goal weight is 160. I’m comfortable there, but it is difficult for me to maintain. My weight for about the last three years (or more) has been around 170. 172 to be exact. The doc say’s I’m super healthy and if I like 172, I’m good. I do feel good at that weight physically and mentally and had come to accept it. I eat a pretty clean diet, I’m active and I feel that my mind is in a good place. I feel confident in my role as a leader and as a member at 172.

Since life picked up in the stress department and “me time” became limited, I have not handled my stress as well as I had been in recent past. I wasn’t walking when I should have been to reduce stress (some of that was actually finding time and some of that was making excuses….really bad old habit!), I was eating larger portions as a way of comfort when I know better and I was making food choices that left me feeling sluggish and added pounds.

My comfort level of 172 is now an uncomfortable 182.

When first meeting with my plastic surgeon (and my weight being up), he took a look at my belly and told me that my body would be great for this surgery and  recommended staying at my current body weight. We briefly talked about my weight and my feelings on it.

If I had just gained weight in my belly, that would be awesome for the upcoming surgery, but I see it in my butt, my thighs and my arms and I feel it head to toe. 

I am looking forward to being back to work for the months of October and November and I have yet to put on pants other than stretchy jeans or sweats and yoga pants. I don’t want to lead a WW meeting feeling unhappy with my weight. Ugh.

So, I’m all over in my head as how to approach these few months before that surgery. Go back to 172, feel better and settle for smaller breast in the end sounds like the smart thing to do and that is what my gut is telling me to do.

Counting points to get these pounds off while going through all the crap life seems to be tossing us right now sounds like something I should do, but not sure I would actually commit to doing right now.

I’m torn, and really just venting my thoughts here. Not sure how to handle it all. Bogging always helps me to sort it all out, so I’m sure I’ll be telling you how I’ve decided to handle things in a post tomorrow. Ahhhh…..the therapy of a blog.

 

In other news…..

I feel like the old couple that either spends all of their time talking about their aches and pains or spends all of their time driving each other to doctors appointments.

Look at how cute he is and that smile, and this was at his appointment!

Me? I’m just like…”Here we are again, in a waiting room listening to some dumb TV show.”

 

Yesterday, my appointment was first.

Visually, to the doc, everything seems to be healing really well.

I debated whether to have more saline filled into my tissue expanders yesterday or not. She is talking me through decisions but leaving them up to me, which I really appreciate. At least I think that’s what happening. You’ve gathered by now that I ask a gazillion questions. These tissue expanders feel so heavy and everything feels so uncomfortable. Getting out of bed or standing from a sitting position is not pleasant. Walking doesn’t feel great. I feel like I want to hold on to them and press on them to hold everything still.

Not only is the weight of them uncomfortable, but my nerves are alive on my insides and it feels like there is a small fire inside. As I walked in for my appointment, the thought of adding more saline sounded like a terrible idea!

She said that the nerve issue can be common and that we can try some medication to help with that, but there are side effects. I told her to give me another week and see if it improves. It is still such a strange sensation to feel nothing on the outside (like the needle they insert for the saline fill) but to feel so much tingling and burning on the inside!

We debated taking some fluid out because of how heavy they feel, or leaving them where they are for now and me adjusting to what they feel like, or adding more saline to fill the tissue expanders more so they don’t jostle around so much when I first stand up.

We decided to add more.

Today, everything feels about the same.

For three nights in a row, I took a pain pill and a muscle relaxer so I could sleep. Last night, I only took Advil PM, and honestly, I can’t tell much difference. Trying to wean off the meds.

 

Now for Mike….

He had a MOHS procedure (Thanks again readers, for telling me what that procedure is called! You are some smart people!!) last week. They wanted him to take that procedure one step further to make sure that all of the cancer was out of his shoulder, referred him to an Orthopedic Oncologist and sent him home with a gaping hole in the top of his shoulder, which we both refused to change the bandages on here at home. Well, out of necessity, we both have now done that together quite successfully a few times.

We’re becoming professionals at gross stuff like open wounds and post surgery drains!!

He went in yesterday to see the Orthopedic Oncologist.

The doc explained that this type of skin cancer has a very small risk of spreading, so that’s good. However, the hole is so large where they did the MOHS, he now has to have a skin graft (skin from his thigh) to fix the hole! He will then carry around a Wound Vac for about 5 days to help with the healing of his shoulder.

He is so excited!!! (Someone MUST design a sarcasm font!!)

That is scheduled at the hospital on Thursday. Outpatient, I’m the driver. 

They of course will also do any further testing on the skin cancer.

 

In a Nutshell

We both have our diagnosed cancer out of our bodies, (we think) and now we’re just trying to prevent infection and make things look pretty.

He will always have a big dent in his shoulder.

I get a tummy tuck and new boobs.

Not a lot can gross either of us out, for now.

 

Shopping!

I’m not a big shopper. I mean, I love clothes and all, but I just have never been much of a shopper. I think I have more fun looking through my closet and seeing how I can make really old clothes look like an outfit.

That being said, I do like new things on occasion.

Look what I bought on my phone  while sitting in the Healing Chair! I can’t wait for it to get here!

Super cute, huh? I think I bought it because eventually I will be able to wear tops with no wide sports bra straps, but pretty bras with slim straps, or even no bra at all!

I’ve never been able to do that.

 

I also bought this. I was invited to a CABI party this week, and I don’t think I’ll go, but I always buy at least one item.

 

I haven’t bought this one yet, but the day is young….

Yesterday’s eats…..

Brunch

One of my fav’s.

Sweet Potato Hash with Bell Peppers and Onions, topped with Eggs and Avocado and Trader Joe’s Everything But the Bagel Seasoning

 

Dinner

This Pot Roast was our first Meal Train delivery and there was plenty to freeze!

 

Perfect for dinner last night!

 

 

Okay, I’ve had two pots of coffee, no water and I promised myself a one mile walk today along with my Yoga.

Happy Tuesday my friends!

 

2017 Goals
Make time each week to Meal Plan
Drink 100 ounces of water each day
Exercise 5 days a week
Eat three meals and one snack daily
FOUR 100 Mile Walking Challenges this year! (This goal has changed a little now that I have this fabulous Fitbit.)

“love the life you live, live the life you love”

julesfarm@yahoo.com

Posts

20 responses to Member…Leader…Patient

  1. julesfarm@yahoo.com September 26, 2017 at 4:03 pm

    Thank you Kendra!

    Trying to take things one day at a time, but truly getting antsy!!

    Mike is doing well and I love to share with him that my readers inquire about him too. Thank you for that!!

    Have a great week!!

  2. Hi Julie, I hope all is well. I am just catching up on your blog and hope that today is a good day for you. Please don’t beat yourself up over the extra pounds. You have been through so much this year and hey, if a little comfort food has snuck in more than you would like, please don’t feel guilty or like you have failed. That’s the problem with us women, we hang on to so much guilt, like it’s our job to do so. You are a beautiful strong woman that has persevered through some really tough challenges. Your WW members are so lucky to have you, as you truly are a role model and an inspiration. Oh and one side note, that oncologist, where is the eye rolling emoji? He had no right giving you that kind of advice. He should just stay in his lane! Hope Mike’s procedure went well. Looking forward to your next blog! Take Care, Kendra

  3. julesfarm@yahoo.com September 20, 2017 at 3:30 am

    I love you too and you give me too much credit.

    You sleep well too sweet friend.

    ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. julesfarm@yahoo.com September 20, 2017 at 3:28 am

    Ha Ha. Well, Kate is being sweet. That’s MY Kate that I blog about too. I think that’s the first time that she has commented here.

    You are too kind. I don’t see any of my friends saying they adore me. I do like to make them laugh though!!

    I’m glad you enjoy reading along!

  5. julesfarm@yahoo.com September 20, 2017 at 3:26 am

    Cynthia, such great words. Thank YOU!!

    I love…Lead yourself with heart!

    You are very kind. Thank you.

    ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. julesfarm@yahoo.com September 20, 2017 at 3:24 am

    I need to go back and find that gray sweater. It popped up on my Instagram feed and now I can’t find it!!

    The camel colored one was a CABI home party pick.

    When the red one comes, I’ll remember where I ordered it from. lol. It was also on my Instagram feed!

    Thanks for all of your kind words and good luck on the 10 pounds. Sounds like a great and doable goal!!

  7. julesfarm@yahoo.com September 20, 2017 at 3:21 am

    Karla,

    This cracked me up and I read it to my husband. I can totally see the two us yelling something like that at each other one day. I’m always saying one word when I mean another and I’m constantly accusing him of making up words. Seems as though he just has a bigger vocabulary than I do. I google the words that he uses that I think he makes up, and low and behold, it’s a real word!! I’m an idiot really.

    Thanks for the laugh, and for the prayers.

    Hugs

  8. julesfarm@yahoo.com September 20, 2017 at 3:16 am

    I don’t know why it cracks me up that YOU like to read it. I feel like you already know everything before I type it all out, but I guess that’s not always the case.

    Thanks for being so easy to love. When you said you get excited when you see a new one, it made me giggle.

    Love you

  9. julesfarm@yahoo.com September 20, 2017 at 3:14 am

    Thanks Michelle….

    I think more shopping is a great idea! I love everything about your comment! I will lead with confidence AND a new sweater, and always a smile.

    You’re a doll. Thank you.

  10. julesfarm@yahoo.com September 20, 2017 at 3:12 am

    Thank you Marj J. Thank you doesn’t seem like enough to say to you, but I appreciate every word that you wrote!

  11. julesfarm@yahoo.com September 20, 2017 at 3:11 am

    I really do need that gray sweater too!! lol

    Loved that saying too! Made me giggle

  12. I love you. You impress the hell out of me. Always have. That is all. Sleep well, Jules.

  13. I feel like Kate, your blog is the first I check to see if you have posted. I love the word of wisdom you post at the end of the blog. Your friends must adore you.

  14. Be kind and give yourself time. So much is happening now. Your weight will fall into place not quite naturally I will say because it will still take work and dedication, but it will fall into place with time. I was a WW leader. So I “know.” Be kind with yourself. Make smart choices. Don’t beat yourself up. Look with an eagle’s eye ~ a year from now. Where do you want to be? And remember it’s one day at a time. Follow your doctor’s advice first and foremost. Then be a WW’er. Lead yourself with heart.

  15. Love the clothes especially the grey sweater. Are you letting us know where they are from? I love your blog you are a strong women and if you want to write to vent……..write away! I too had lost a good deal of weight to now putting 20 pounds back on and I am frustrated. Mainly because since having kids (years ago) I have had this weight problem. This week I am attempting to get back on track and my goal is to loose 10 lbs by Christmas. I love Christmas and want to feel good about myself. So I read your blog and it inspires you. I also have a dear friend who is doing this journey with me. I hope you have a dear friend. It’s a must!!!!!

  16. First of all you both truly huge inspirations! So happy things are looking better & genuinely sorry you have to go through all of this.

    I want share a little story with you. Maybe it will give you a smile or a little giggle. So one day I was at a doctor’s appointment. I was ready to check out & sitting in the waiting room. An elderly couple (much older than you) were also waiting. They were talking very loud, so I was not eavesdropping. The wife says to the husband “Wasn’t that the doctor who did your autopsy?”. He didn’t hear her so she had to yell it again even louder. Well I nearly fell in the floor. It was all I could do to hide behind a magazine & silently giggle. I was picturing my husband & I at that stage.

    Sending you prayers & positive thoughts for healing & strength.

  17. Love you! Love reading your blog. I get genuinely excited when I see a new one. ๐Ÿ™‚

  18. You are BOTH adorable and highly inspiring.
    Don’t be too hard on yourself. If you are comfy with 172, then 172 it is. If you are 182 today, take the time to lose it the way you tell your members to do. Rome was not built in a day, as they say. Make these decisions when you fell better, they do not have to be done all right now. And I concur, BUY something to wear that makes you fell warm, loved and comfy. Cashmere, angora, whatever, but what makes you feel special.
    You are doing AWESOME!!!!! Lead those meetings at 182 with a new cardigan and that smile. Now that’s inspiring!!!!!!

  19. Sending prayers๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป I think you’re doing absolutely wonderful with your thoughts and attitude…. you continue to be an inspiration!! It’s very hard to make so many decisions but you’re collecting the information needed to make the choices that work for you. Have patience with yourself โค๏ธ

  20. Buy the gray one.
    Love your saying today.
    The picture of you two in the doctors office is a keeper.