I have five different drafts for this blog post. One draft is like a novel, the other drafts are just a few short paragraphs.
I keep trying to find just the right words.
Some really really great things have happened this year and some really really crappy things have happened as well. Moving my mom’s cousin into the nursing home in February wore on me both emotionally and physically. The moving, the decisions, the second guessing, the visiting, and the new responsibility were all things that I was never quite certain that I was taking care of in the right way. Then one day out of the blue, she became ill. Nine days later, she was gone. The responsibilities that followed her death left me feeling a bit overwhelmed. From moving her out of her apartment into the nursing home at the beginning of February to her death at the end of June was a lot emotionally and physically. While I felt like I was holding it all together on the outside, my insides were in knots. I could feel my anxiety creeping higher and higher and I just kept thinking……breathe.
Between the day that Anna Lee passed and the day that we had her service, I discovered a lump in my left breast. I was putting on lotion after a shower. The following day all I could think about was “What will I say at Anna Lee’s funeral?”, and “Should I have this lump checked out?”. Three days after the service I went to the doctor. The doctor suggested that I have a mammogram, even though my mammogram in January of this year was fine. At the mammogram they decided to also do an ultrasound. After reading the mammogram and the ultra sound the doctor came in and said that I should have a biopsy.
On Tuesday, July 18th, I had a biopsy. I spent the next three days wondering if I had breast cancer and breathing really deep to chill out.
On Friday, July 21st, the doctor called to tell me that I did in fact have breast cancer. I think I knew it when I found the lump.
I can’t believe I found the lump! I’m not great at putting lotion on after a shower, but I did that day. I felt the lump towards the top of my left breast. I knew that I hadn’t felt that lump before, and I also knew that they always say, if it feels unusual, have it checked out. I am SO glad that I did! Had I waited until my mammogram next January, this might be a whole different blog post.
I’ve had several appointments already and I have more appointments ahead before surgery. I will be having a double mastectomy with reconstructive surgery before the end of this month. The date is not on the calendar yet, but should be soon.
I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, Stage I. It is very treatable and I am going to be just fine. In the world of cancer, I’m truly one of the lucky ones.
Because I was diagnosed at the age of 50 and because my maternal grandmother had breast cancer in her 50’s, my insurance will pay a large portion of the cost for genetic testing. I should have those results in two weeks. I’ll talk about that more in a later post if necessary.
Please have your annual mammograms, and remind the other women in your lives to do the same. Pay attention to your body. If you are suspicious, take that time to check things out. It could make all of the difference in the world. I know so many people right now with different types of cancer, and this is one cancer that we can find early and treat, so please take advantage of those mammograms and take the time once in a while to do a self breast exam. I admit that I have not done them often, but I had done them just often enough that when I felt the lump in my breast, I knew that it was unusual.
I’m feeling good about things but also very anxious. Breathing really does help.
I think I’m more worried right now about Mike than I am about having breast cancer. With my news and now the kids house flooding, I know he is wondering what is next.
I did promise him that I could give a rats ass about the master bedroom remodel and if we look at the unfinished celling above the tub and shower for years, I won’t care. lol
This is why Tess came in over the weekend. She needed to see that mom is mom and I look and feel just like I always do.
I worry about getting the kids house finished from the flood before I have surgery and I will admit, I’m feeling super stressed that won’t happen. I don’t want them to feel like they have to go anywhere else while I recover before their house is ready for them to move back in. Can you imagine the stress they are feeling?
So, those are the words I’ve been struggling with, but there a few decisions I wanted to make before blogging about things.
My stress factor is obviously high these last three weeks and I’ve tried to stick to my healthy eating habits but walking has fallen to the bottom of the priority list.
I am so glad that I’ve changed so much of the foods that I eat. I feel like a strong and healthy person, and I know that will make recovery after surgery that much easier.
I would imagine that I’ll be back to blogging daily up until surgery if I can find the time. Remember we do have a houseful right now so we are just taking things one day at a time and I never really know what each day will bring. Yesterday Mike had a flat tire. Today, Kate had a flat tire. I think I’ll stick to the kayak!
I’ve had a couple of little melt downs, but I really am feeling good about things, especially when I think about how different this blog post could have been had I not found the lump.
“love the life you live, live the life you love”
Praying for you. You are certainly handling everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) a lot better than I think I could. Bless you.
I believe in the power of prayer and in the telling of your story you will bring so many prayers your way.
Hope this weekend is a stress free one for you.
Lots of Love to you and your family. I am sorry that you guys are going through so much, but I’m so thankful that you are sharing your challenges. It definitely served as a reminder on the importance of breast exams. I also love how you and your family support each other. It’s an inspiration. I wish you lots of peace and love during this time. 💜
Julie, this post brought back a massive flood of emotions for me! I too was diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, stage 2, in 1998 at the age of 38. I had 4 kids, 15, 13, 11, and 9. I had the double mastectomy with a tram flap reconstruction. 8 rounds of chemo followed. I’m also a genetic carrier of BRCA1 gene. My sister, maternal aunts, maternal grandma all had BC. My mom lost her battle with ovarian. I knew I’d test positive! I’m going to leave you my email if you want/need to “talk” to someone is almost 18 years of being a Survivor (Warrior)! I will put you in my prayers as well.
Laurie Gathje
soccerljg4@yahoo.com
I am sending you hugs and prayers as you cope with the breast cancer. I have read your blog for a long time and feel like I know you. Your honesty with life’s struggles touch a chord in me and no doubt, many more. I am a retired chemo nurse and oncology nurse navigator. You are so right that you are one of the lucky ones but……..it’s still scary and mind boggling and stinks!!!!! Allow your family and friends and bloggers to love you up as you find your way. ❤️
I am so glad you found this early. We were fortunate the doctor’s found my husband’s Glioblastoma brain tumor early than most do back in March. Although he won’t beat this cancer in the end I am happy to know you can.
I can understand how you feel, you just keep wondering how much more crap can you take when you get news like this. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Thank you for sharing and the good reminder. Will pray for peace for you with everything happening. Be brave – it will all be ok – you’ve got this!
I know this is a scary time for you! I, too, was diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma Stage 2-3 in June. I had my surgery this week! I feel positive that this will all go well. It’s only Saturday, but I feel really good with only discomfort, no real pain. I start my radiotherapy in September. It does make you reevaluate your life, though. You’ve got this. Fight like a girl!! Reassure your family that all will be well. My lump was also discovered by a routine mammogram – I am a poster child for getting your check-up! Had I not, my prognosis might have been very different. Good luck and God Bless!
I love you. Call me if you need anything. I love you (again). ❤❤❤❤❤
You can do this!! I am a breast cancer survivor, 7.5 years out and still going strong!!!
Julie, I am so saddened to hear about this bad stretch of events. I love reading your blog and you inspire me so much!!! I will be thinking of you and praying that all goes well. Breathe deeply everyday. Your family will be a great support to you just like you support them!!
-Karen Wilber
Oh wow! so sorry to hear this…talk about stress! You seem to have a great attitude about it which is wonderful! I will keep you in my thoughts. And your right breathe and remember this too shall pass. Good for you and early detection! ox
Thank you for speaking out to help others. Pray and put your trust in the Lord and he will give you peace that passes all understanding. I found my breast cancer when I was 39. I had left breast removed and six months later decided to have trans flap reconstruction. Decided to remove other breast and reconstruct at same time. Saved my life because they found mass deep in it they did not find on test. It is a personal decision that you need to make for yourself. I am 62 years old and thankful and grateful for every day. I have been lifetime member since 2001 because I want to be the healthiest me I can be and help others on their personal journey. You will be in my prayers and again thank you for making a difference in other’s lives.
Julie, I will pray for you and your family. You have a lot to think and worry over. It sounds like you have plans for your health and you know the steps that will be taken. My mom had breast cancer last year a small lump removed and radiation.
Praying for you. My daughter @ age 43 double mastectomy and reconstruction. We are 9 months out and she looks and feel fabulous. No doubt with your great supportive family you will overcome and and be loving on those sweet children and grand babies.
Jules-I am a cancer survivor. You’ve got this. You are going to be fine! Keep your sense of humor! Accept help from people who love you! Feel what you feel! You are a strong, wonderful woman. Cancer doesn’t stand a chance!
Sending you heartfelt prayers and hope you have a speedy recovery.
Wishing you all the best. Life isn’t always easy. You are having a year like me. When it rains it pours. I am praying that everything is okay for you.Hugs!
I started following you when at went back to weight watchers several months ago. You have been an insiration and just want to say thank you! You will be in my prayers with the new journey you need to take. My sister is a breast cancer survivor and she was lucky to discover it early too. She found it early when glancing in the mirror while getting dressed and noticed something different about one of her breasts. So, early detection is so important like you said. And, you are also correct…the bathroom ceiling will wait because you need to take care of yourself now! Keep us posted! Love and strength coming your way from Tennessee! ❤️
Prayers for u. Thank u for always being so honest and putting it out there. I always look forward to reading your blog. U have got this!