Member…Leader…Patient

I’m feeling very lost in my Weight Watcher Membership, my role as a Weight Watcher Leader and my reality of being a Patient right now. I knew this part of things would get to me at some point, I just wasn’t sure when. Well, that’s happening now.

I have some new followers, so just a brief update. Brief, I swear.

My goal weight is 160. I’m comfortable there, but it is difficult for me to maintain. My weight for about the last three years (or more) has been around 170. 172 to be exact. The doc say’s I’m super healthy and if I like 172, I’m good. I do feel good at that weight physically and mentally and had come to accept it. I eat a pretty clean diet, I’m active and I feel that my mind is in a good place. I feel confident in my role as a leader and as a member at 172.

Since life picked up in the stress department and “me time” became limited, I have not handled my stress as well as I had been in recent past. I wasn’t walking when I should have been to reduce stress (some of that was actually finding time and some of that was making excuses….really bad old habit!), I was eating larger portions as a way of comfort when I know better and I was making food choices that left me feeling sluggish and added pounds.

My comfort level of 172 is now an uncomfortable 182.

When first meeting with my plastic surgeon (and my weight being up), he took a look at my belly and told me that my body would be great for this surgery and  recommended staying at my current body weight. We briefly talked about my weight and my feelings on it.

If I had just gained weight in my belly, that would be awesome for the upcoming surgery, but I see it in my butt, my thighs and my arms and I feel it head to toe. 

I am looking forward to being back to work for the months of October and November and I have yet to put on pants other than stretchy jeans or sweats and yoga pants. I don’t want to lead a WW meeting feeling unhappy with my weight. Ugh.

So, I’m all over in my head as how to approach these few months before that surgery. Go back to 172, feel better and settle for smaller breast in the end sounds like the smart thing to do and that is what my gut is telling me to do.

Counting points to get these pounds off while going through all the crap life seems to be tossing us right now sounds like something I should do, but not sure I would actually commit to doing right now.

I’m torn, and really just venting my thoughts here. Not sure how to handle it all. Bogging always helps me to sort it all out, so I’m sure I’ll be telling you how I’ve decided to handle things in a post tomorrow. Ahhhh…..the therapy of a blog.

 

In other news…..

I feel like the old couple that either spends all of their time talking about their aches and pains or spends all of their time driving each other to doctors appointments.

Look at how cute he is and that smile, and this was at his appointment!

Me? I’m just like…”Here we are again, in a waiting room listening to some dumb TV show.”

 

Yesterday, my appointment was first.

Visually, to the doc, everything seems to be healing really well.

I debated whether to have more saline filled into my tissue expanders yesterday or not. She is talking me through decisions but leaving them up to me, which I really appreciate. At least I think that’s what happening. You’ve gathered by now that I ask a gazillion questions. These tissue expanders feel so heavy and everything feels so uncomfortable. Getting out of bed or standing from a sitting position is not pleasant. Walking doesn’t feel great. I feel like I want to hold on to them and press on them to hold everything still.

Not only is the weight of them uncomfortable, but my nerves are alive on my insides and it feels like there is a small fire inside. As I walked in for my appointment, the thought of adding more saline sounded like a terrible idea!

She said that the nerve issue can be common and that we can try some medication to help with that, but there are side effects. I told her to give me another week and see if it improves. It is still such a strange sensation to feel nothing on the outside (like the needle they insert for the saline fill) but to feel so much tingling and burning on the inside!

We debated taking some fluid out because of how heavy they feel, or leaving them where they are for now and me adjusting to what they feel like, or adding more saline to fill the tissue expanders more so they don’t jostle around so much when I first stand up.

We decided to add more.

Today, everything feels about the same.

For three nights in a row, I took a pain pill and a muscle relaxer so I could sleep. Last night, I only took Advil PM, and honestly, I can’t tell much difference. Trying to wean off the meds.

 

Now for Mike….

He had a MOHS procedure (Thanks again readers, for telling me what that procedure is called! You are some smart people!!) last week. They wanted him to take that procedure one step further to make sure that all of the cancer was out of his shoulder, referred him to an Orthopedic Oncologist and sent him home with a gaping hole in the top of his shoulder, which we both refused to change the bandages on here at home. Well, out of necessity, we both have now done that together quite successfully a few times.

We’re becoming professionals at gross stuff like open wounds and post surgery drains!!

He went in yesterday to see the Orthopedic Oncologist.

The doc explained that this type of skin cancer has a very small risk of spreading, so that’s good. However, the hole is so large where they did the MOHS, he now has to have a skin graft (skin from his thigh) to fix the hole! He will then carry around a Wound Vac for about 5 days to help with the healing of his shoulder.

He is so excited!!! (Someone MUST design a sarcasm font!!)

That is scheduled at the hospital on Thursday. Outpatient, I’m the driver. 

They of course will also do any further testing on the skin cancer.

 

In a Nutshell

We both have our diagnosed cancer out of our bodies, (we think) and now we’re just trying to prevent infection and make things look pretty.

He will always have a big dent in his shoulder.

I get a tummy tuck and new boobs.

Not a lot can gross either of us out, for now.

 

Shopping!

I’m not a big shopper. I mean, I love clothes and all, but I just have never been much of a shopper. I think I have more fun looking through my closet and seeing how I can make really old clothes look like an outfit.

That being said, I do like new things on occasion.

Look what I bought on my phone  while sitting in the Healing Chair! I can’t wait for it to get here!

Super cute, huh? I think I bought it because eventually I will be able to wear tops with no wide sports bra straps, but pretty bras with slim straps, or even no bra at all!

I’ve never been able to do that.

 

I also bought this. I was invited to a CABI party this week, and I don’t think I’ll go, but I always buy at least one item.

 

I haven’t bought this one yet, but the day is young….

Yesterday’s eats…..

Brunch

One of my fav’s.

Sweet Potato Hash with Bell Peppers and Onions, topped with Eggs and Avocado and Trader Joe’s Everything But the Bagel Seasoning

 

Dinner

This Pot Roast was our first Meal Train delivery and there was plenty to freeze!

 

Perfect for dinner last night!

 

 

Okay, I’ve had two pots of coffee, no water and I promised myself a one mile walk today along with my Yoga.

Happy Tuesday my friends!

 

2017 Goals
Make time each week to Meal Plan
Drink 100 ounces of water each day
Exercise 5 days a week
Eat three meals and one snack daily
FOUR 100 Mile Walking Challenges this year! (This goal has changed a little now that I have this fabulous Fitbit.)

“love the life you live, live the life you love”