THE WEIGHT OF MY WEIGHT – AGE 10

I remember going to the nurse’s office in grade school, as a class, to be weighed, and get our height. I suppose this was for the school health records? They were teaching us how to eat healthy and take good care of our bodies. I remember specifically learning about the food pyramid. I also remember specifically learning that my weight was more than any of my girl friends. All of the kids were asking one another, “How tall are YOU?” or “How much do YOU weigh?” This was the first time I was aware that I weighed more than any of my friends. I had never thought about it before. I hadn’t noticed our differences. Nobody was teaching me or mentally preparing me how to process this information. I don’t remember anyone saying, “This number is a little high for your age and height”, but I wonder sometimes if someone may have said that to me. I do remember feeling embarrassed.  I remember feeling bad about myself for the first time. I felt like I wasn’t as good as everyone else. I felt ashamed. I had never felt that way until we all shared our numbers. I didn’t know it the day before we were weighed, when I thought I was just like everyone else, but now, because of the numbers, I knew. I was different. I was the only one. I was fat.