Ten Pounds

So, I told you that it was bad when I weighed Friday morning, but I didn’t tell you that it was “Ten Pounds” bad.

In the last six to seven weeks, I’ve gained 10 pounds. There. It’s out. The horrible news is now in print. I let myself get off of my plan and eat and drink a lot of things that literally don’t do my body any good at all. I ate things that I didn’t write down. I pretended that I was in control and that I was fine. Now I’m paying the price.

When I weighed 205, and I lost 10 pounds to get me to 195, I really didn’t feel that different. 

195 to 185 did feel a little different.

185 to 175 made me feel more confident about my physical self.

175 to 165? I enjoyed 165 a lot! It was hard to continue my weight loss because I felt so good. I didn’t feel fat. I was feeling pretty normal.

165 to 155? That took forever, but it finally meant new clothes! No more size 12’s. I bought size 8’s! I threw away all of my 12’s!! Never again would I wear a size 12!! I hadn’t weighed in the 150’s since High School.

Today I weigh 165. It does NOT feel good at all. My 8’s are tight, but they are my only option. My shirt untucked is my only option. My face looks full again. My fingers feel puffy. My boobs are not fitting well in my pretty new bra’s.

It’s made me think a lot. I remember being at a WW meeting one time (before I got my weight below 160) and the leader asked us to imagine ourselves at our goal weight. Well, I’d never been there, so I couldn’t really do that. I could try. But I really didn’t know what that “feeling” was like. Then I got my weight below 160, and things did feel different. Then I got to 157, and that felt great. It felt good to “feel” so healthy. Then I got to 154! That was really amazing. I remember how great it felt to just slide my jeans on, with simplicity! It felt awesome to like the way I looked with my shirt untucked, or tucked in! It felt great to feel like I didn’t have this huge belly to conceal. My face looked different. My ankles didn’t feel swollen. When I got out of bed in the morning, by body really felt lighter. It’s crazy to all of a sudden have the 10 pounds back that made such a difference for the first time in the way I really felt physically, and in the way that I saw myself in the mirror. That 10 pounds took me forever to lose, so obviously, I am frustrated with myself.

I did go back in my blog and I did struggle the last two years in November and December like many people do. I have also talked with at least three people in this last week that said that they too have gained 10 pounds through this holiday season. I figure at least I’m not alone.

It’s also made me think a lot about the fact that “bad” foods just really make my body feel “bad”. Why do I do that to myself? Why am I willing to spend a few short minutes, maybe even seconds (really, how long is a bite of food in your mouth?) of pleasure, to do so much harm to my body that makes me feel so bad? I feel sluggish, I feel swollen and puffy, mentally I feel bad about myself. Why would I voluntarily do that? Well, don’t I wish I knew?

I know when I do feel good, it’s easy to put something in my mouth that I know that I shouldn’t, because I think to myself….”How is this one little bite going to make THAT big of a difference?”. “How is one drink going to make me gain any weight?” Then I convince myself that it will be okay to go off of my plan for the night, or for a lunch, or for the day, or for the HOLIDAY?????

It’s all part of me constantly learning. I need to constantly be reminding myself of what I have already learned! I need to practice the things that I know work for me, and to not do the things that I know will make me gain weight!

Now, when my WW Leader tells us to imagine what it feels like to be at our goal weight, I’ll know what that feeling feels like. I was JUST there! Now, I’m on a mission to get back there! 

I had to get that off of my chest.

I have GOT to finish all Christmas shopping today, and wrap it, and be done with it! This is the most unorganized I’ve ever been in the gift department at Christmas!! Thanksgiving being so late in the month, and taking a trip the weekend after, has really got me behind a bit in the Christmas shopping.

It will all get done. It always does. Every year I say…..” Now, THAT was the best Christmas ever!”

Mike’s work party tonight. No drinking tonight. Eat before I go.

 

 

Breakfast

 

Lunch

 

Snack

 

Dinner

 

Refresh…I can eat 26 points a day.

I can earn Activity Points by doing exercise, and eat them if I choose.

I have an allowance of 49 points that I can dip into if I chose.

I should drink a minimum of 6 (8 oz) glasses of water each day.

 

The food I ate and it’s PPV

 

Breakfast = Banana and coffee with skim milk (1)

Lunch = Pulled pork with slaw at the Food Truck (6)

Snack = Leftover chicken fajita’s (8)

Dinner = Small portion of Cowboy skillet from the Food Truck (8)

Total = 23

 

Exercise = Walked the dogs outside for 90 minutes! Mishka and I were done, but Tucker could have gone for miles!!

How many glasses of water I drank = 12

 

Activity Points Earned for the Day = 4

Activity Points Earned This Week = 14

Remaining points from my 49 Points Allowance = 0

Alcohol consumption = none

Today, I will…….

“love the life you live, live the life you love”