Well, it’s WORSE than I thought!

I got on the scale and it sucked the life right out of me! So I jumped off, paced around the house, pee’d again, exhaled and stepped on again. Same frickin’ thing! So I sent my “coach” a text and told her I needed her. I’ve basically been doing whatever I want for several weeks now, and I was missing my accountability to her. I had gotten to 154, and it had felt so good. I know I was testing the water’s a bit, and then I stopped stepping on the scale. I don’t really know why I stopped doing that. It would have kept me on tract. I knew I was making bad choices. It all started with my birthday weekend. It was MY birthday, damn it! I wanted to do whatever I wanted. Then it was Thanksgiving, and actually on Thanksgiving, I did a pretty good job. Then we had a second Thanksgiving at our house, and I splurged! I splurged BAD! Then, instead of following my own advice of sending all leftovers home with everyone else, we still had plenty, and I ate on it the whole next day. It’s just kind of gone downhill from there. I had a blast in Chicago, but I ate and drank whatever I wanted.

Sorry for being such a poor example to those of you that tell me I inspire you. I feel like I have let a lot of people down. This Holiday thing has just been really difficult and I have completely let my guard down.

I have plans tonight, I have plans tomorrow night, we are going to the Dinner Theatre on Sunday, (where basically everything is in butter and cream), we are hosting a work thing for Mike here on Tuesday, Mike’s work party is Thursday night, and I just feel so overwhelmed with failing at all of it.

I got my “coach” back, and we are meeting early Monday morning. We sent several text messages back and forth this morning after I weighed and I expressed my concerns about the weekend challenges coming up. (I went to a party last night and drank!) The simple fact is…..I can’t drink the rest of the month!! I just can’t. It never benefits me. I’ve done it before, (gone without the drinking) and I ALWAYS say it wasn’t a big deal to go to a party and not drink. I think it just has become a habit. It’s just part of the party equation, right? I’d rather weigh 154 forever than have another drink. (I really want to mean that!) There’s a saying “Nothing taste as good as thin feels”, and although I know 154 isn’t “thin”, it’s a LOT better than what I weighed this morning!!

So, here I go again. I feel better after writing all of this, but I just hate being so disappointed in myself, and in the last four years, this is my biggest mess up. Obviously, I’m glad I’m stopping myself before it goes any further, but I don’t remember November and December being this difficult. Maybe it’s because I had gotten to a weight that I hadn’t been at before? Which is an obvious sign to me that keeping the weight off for the rest of my life is always going to be work, and that just kind pisses me off sometimes.

Here’s what I ate yesterday……before going to the party last night!!!

Breakfast

Baked Oatmeal Casserole

I made this casserole two weeks ago. I cut it into serving sizes, wrapped each piece in wax paper, then layered those pieces in a large Freezer Bag. I microwaved this for 2 minutes, and it tasted just like it did the day I made it!