Still Learning…..

I’m struggling a little bit this morning to write this blog post. I have some confessions and I have a lot on my mind (and I have a lot to get done this morning, and I have a feeling this is going to be one of those post that takes me three hours to write!!!)

Let me start with reminding you that two weeks ago yesterday, was my lowest Weigh-In EVER since I started my Weight Loss Journey and I was really feeling on top of the world!

Yesterday, I kinda felt like crap. 

Yesterday at my meeting, for a couple of different reasons, I didn’t weigh in. You would think that after doing WW for as long as I have done it, that I would be very careful about what I eat on Thursday and keep my salt intake low. Nope. Sometimes I’m a little stubborn and I do exactly as I’m NOT supposed to do!  I SWEAR I’m not trying to sabotage myself. I don’t think so anyhow. I made Taco Soup for Halloween night, and I ate it topped with Baked Tostito’s, AND I drank half of a beer, and then I didn’t drink as much water as I do on a typical day. When I got out of bed on Friday morning, I felt like a big bloated blimp! I knew immediately I would NOT be stepping on the scale at my meeting, or at home.

Yesterday’s meeting, was coincidentally “Success Stories”. Weight Watcher’s does this occasionally where they will have a panel of WW Members that have either….Lost a large amount of weight, or…..Been a member for a very long time, or…..They are a Lifetime member and continue to come to meetings to maintain their weight loss. There were seven members on the panel yesterday, two men and five women, (one of the women was ME!) I usually go to my meeting in the same little light weight leggings and a tank top, but yesterday, to be presentable, I wore jeans and boots and a sweater. That’s reason number TWO for not weighing at my meeting, I had on heavy clothes. My WW Leader had asked me to be a part of the panel a few days after my awesome weigh-in.  I was really happy to be a part of that panel, and it meant a lot to me to finally be up there with other members who had lost weight through Weight Watcher’s. Two of the members on the panel have lost OVER 100 pounds. I found their stories truly inspirational. One member who had lost over 100 pounds was going to be a new dad and wanted to be able to run around and play with his kid! Another member that has lost over 100 pounds shared my challenge of Trigger Foods. We both handle this situation exactly the same. We keep those trigger foods out of our house. Occasionally, I think I’ve got it under control, and I bring a Trigger item into the house, only to discover that I do NOT have it under control, and I end up putting that food down the garbage disposal.

As much as I loved being a part of that panel, I hated that I didn’t weigh-in yesterday. I felt like a fraud.  I knew I didn’t want to see the number on the scale due to the salt that I had consumed, and a little part of me felt like I had failed that week. 

As I listened to the other members of the panel talk, I realized that if you have 100 pounds to lose, or 20 pounds to lose, we all have a lot of the same challenges in losing weight. We all have failures and we all have successes, and we all learn something about ourselves. 

One of the questions that was asked of the panel was…..”What have been your biggest challenges in your weight loss?”

I have TWO. 

1. Socializing (alcohol)

2. Trigger Foods (Sugar)

Just when I think I completely have figured out how to deal with both of these challenges, I find myself in trouble again. I felt like when I was listening to the other members of the panel talk, they had all recognized what their challenges were as well. I think it is a large part of what we all had in common. We recognize our challenges. I still struggle with these challenges. Another thing we all have in common is that we continue to come to the meetings. I think by doing that, when you mess up, you recognize it, you deal with it, and then get right back on track. You are going to get off track. When you do, admit it, accept it, and get right back at it.

The last question that was asked of the panel was…..”What is the one tool that has helped you in your success?”

Some members said that always “Tracking” what they eat, keeps them accountable. One member said that all of the WW Tools makes keeping the weight off a success. One member said that coming to the weekly meetings is the key to her success.

My answer was my blog. It keeps me accountable. I feel compelled to tell you everything, well, almost everything. When I screw up, knowing that I have to confess it here, keeps me from screwing up even bigger! I sometimes stop myself in the middle of a bad decision because knowing I am going to have to blog about it, makes me realize what a bad decision it is. Sometimes, I make the bad decision anyway.

At the end of yesterday’s meeting, I was visiting with a new friend of mine that I have met at my WW meeting. We sit together and share our week, sometimes talking about WW, and sometimes just talking about life, our families and our plans for the weekend. She has been reading my blog for sometime and I always love her input. Before we left, she asked me if I was okay? When I asked why, she said….”Your blog is just different.” I knew that it was different the last 10 days or so, but I didn’t really think anyone else would know?

Later in the afternoon, I called her. I said “Okay, what did you mean? How is my blog different?”

She said….”Well, it’s like something is missing. It’s like there is something going on in your life that you’re not sharing.”

I was like….”Wow, are you just really intuitive or what???”

She said….”I think I just know you now.”

Of course I thanked her for paying so much attention and caring, then I told her to get back to getting her haircut that I had interrupted, then I hung up and cried. Geezzzzz.

The truth is…..I have had a lot of personal and super emotional things going on over the last 10 days. It’s sometimes hard to share what I might be going through in a vague manner because obviously I want to protect the privacy of others, so I keep it out of my blog and only share it with my husband and close friends. This is difficult to do, because I am an emotional eater and this is a crucial subject matter in my weight loss and I want to be able to share those struggles on my blog. My failures can be embarrassing, but I want to be able to help others recognize their own struggles, and that has become a part of why I write the blog. I need to figure out a way to write about personal struggles while protecting those involved. 

This all takes me right back to my two biggest challenges.

1. Socializing (alcohol)

2. Trigger Foods (Sugar)

“Coach” has taught me SO much and has talked to me OVER and OVER and OVER again about the dangers for me in my alcohol consumption. I may be calling her to come back to get me to the finish line. The alcohol concerns she has for me have a lot to do with some of my family history, and a lot to do simply with science and how alcohol and sugar can affect the human body and cause slight to major depression. I have been in denial for some time about this subject, but now I am really starting to pay more attention to how I feel the days following alcohol or sugar consumption. 

I don’t like it.

I’m not talking about a headache from a hangover. I’m talking about two or three days of feeling disappointed in myself, and possibly confusing those emotions with some slight depression, caused by the sugar and/or alcohol.

I’ve done a little reading this morning, and when I read the statements below, I knew that I wanted to post them. These are really close to the same words that ‘coach” used to explain things to me. 

 

 

“Continuous large doses of sugar and/or carbohydrates, overtime, usually cause the brain’s endorphins sites to slow production or close sites to regulate the amount of endorphins in the brain. When the body cuts back on endorphin production it reduces the amount of endorphins available in the body at any given time. The lack of enough endorphin in the brain causes slight to deep depression.”

 

“Physically, the body has been given a massive dose of sugar that goes straight into the blood system. It is the bodies business to keep the body’s blood sugar stabilized. The body injects a massive dose of insulin. Insulin tries to neutralize the sugar by acting as a downer.”

 

“The sugar’s effect on the body is short lived and wears off within an hour. The effect of the insulin has greater staying power. It is there long after the sugar wears off. This causes another mood swing. This time the mood is one of depression. Physically the body experiences lethargy. This usually causes the individual to use sugar to feel better (Whitney, Cataldo, & Rolfes, 1991).”

You can click HERE to read the entire article.

After my WW meeting, I was on a mission to find a simple pair of black slacks to wear to a wedding that we are going to tonight. I wore an outfit to a wedding a few weeks ago when Tess came in town, that included a top that I love and a simple pair of black slacks, and I dressed it all up with jewelry. The slacks now are just loose enough on me that they look a bit sloppy. How hard can it be to find a pair of black sacks, without spending a small fortune? Apparently pretty hard!

As I was walking out of one of the stores, obviously feeling cranky, I see my THERAPIST! I practically tackled her in the parking lot! How lucky am I to be having a crap few days and I see my therapist??? I totally took advantage of her. You guys, she made the mistake of saying….ready?

“How are you?”

I talked about the difficulty I have of only being able to focus on one thing at a time, and how everything else equally goes to the bottom of the priority list. Weight Loss, Exercise, Menu Planning, Unexpected Personal Situations, Projects…whatever. She recommend a book. I’m going to the Library today! I think it was called….”Depressed and Anxious”. Exciting weekend read, huh???

So. Here I am. It’s Saturday morning, the sun is shining. It’s a beautiful day outside, we have a wedding to go to tonight that I have really been looking forward to, and I feel like crap. I feel tired. I feel frustrated. I feel confused. I feel a bit lost. I feel embarrassed.

I’m not looking for advice today. I’m just trying to be honest. I need to come up with a plan that limits sugar and alcohol to an amount that I can tolerate and enjoy in moderation without over doing. I need to look back at my own blog and see what my mood was and what I was eating and drinking at the time. I know from my experience, that when I really put forth the effort to incorporate the right balance of food’s, that’s when my mood is the best, and that’s when the challenges become the easiest to deal with.  That’s what I need to spend tomorrow doing. Look at my own history and figure it out.  I’d like to blog my plan on Monday.

Today??  I now have about three hours to shop for something to wear to a wedding this afternoon!

I hate it when I write a downer post, so I apologize. I follow other bloggers, and as much as I know the downer days are all a part of learning a lot about who we are, I don’t like to read them. 

I was right. This post took three hours to write!!

I’m going out into the sunshine now to soak up some positive energy. I hope you enjoy whatever you have planned for the weekend!

Here are yesterday’s eats…… 

 

Breakfast

Un-Pictured Starbuck’s and a Banana

Snack

Un-Pictured Nonfat Latte

Lunch

Dinner Taco Soup

 

“love the life you live, live the life you love”